lately i have been feeling kinda....blah. not sick...just trying to figure out what i "do". it has hit me hard this school year, probably because in less than a year, hutton will be in school full time and my "day job" will be nonexistent. i think about it all day long...everyday...and then can't sleep at night(yes...a little extreme). i KNOW my job is important...to be a good mom...and run little people here and there, help with homework, talk, read, play, sign papers, etc. but i can't lie...sometimes i feel like i have lost myself.
i have a BAD habit of comparing myself to other moms....she can run 10 miles, she is a great christian leader, she "does it all", she is a great photographer, her house is decorated perfectly....the list goes on and on. and i thought about myself and thought...well...i can cook and clean(maybe i should have been a mom in the 1950's...except for the fact that i can't sew!) but cooking and cleaning doesn't sound so exciting when someone asks you what you "do".
and i'm going to feel really weird not "working" next year when hutt goes to school...so...i need to find something...and find it quick.
see...here is the thing...i'm scared my kids are going to grow up and leave and i won't have any kind of identity AT ALL. and then i'll harass them because i won't have anything else to do..and then they'll move far far away so i'll leave them alone! and that would break my heart.
so...until next year...when hutt climbs on that bus...i am going to try and be the best mommy i can be....and think about the next stage in my life....
but while i'm doing that...it is always good to read articles like this...that make me feel like...right now anyway...i am doing exactly what i am supposed to be doing....
http://www.theidearoom.net/2011/09/how-to-be-a-happy-mom.html
ps. vic...hurry and get that business up and running....i want to be your "tommy"!! ha!
YOU ARE AWESOME. The mom who does it all is a myth. You know what? I haven't cleaned my bathroom in like 5 years. I LOVE this recent quote from Emma Thompson, 'I don't want [women] ever to think they have to have it all. I think that's a revolting concept. It's so false! 'Sometimes you'll have some things, and sometimes you'll have other things. And you do not need it all at once; it's not good for you."
ReplyDeleteI struggled with this too. I think in my life I had to think outside of the box. I had made so many decisions in my life based on common sense and asked God to okay them, that I knew this time I had to wait on Him. I vowed not to do anything until He showed me what to do. Crazyily He told me to be a stay-at-home prayer warrior. Try giving that as your answer to "What do you do?". It totally freaks people out. Even Christians look puzzled- pray all day? Really? But for me it has revolutionized my life and has begin to transform my community. Trust me, it's worth the wait to see what He has planned. Kellie
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I love you!!! I can't believe I'm just NOW reading this (at midnight, a month later). I'm trying, I'm trying!! And Lord knows, you are not alone...you are an absolutely INCREDIBLE mom and your kids are so very blessed to have you, and according to God's plan you are right where you are supposed to be in this very moment, so surrender and have Faith!! (Words that are easier to say than to live by)...Love you!
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