lately i have been feeling kinda....blah. not sick...just trying to figure out what i "do". it has hit me hard this school year, probably because in less than a year, hutton will be in school full time and my "day job" will be nonexistent. i think about it all day long...everyday...and then can't sleep at night(yes...a little extreme). i KNOW my job is important...to be a good mom...and run little people here and there, help with homework, talk, read, play, sign papers, etc. but i can't lie...sometimes i feel like i have lost myself.
i have a BAD habit of comparing myself to other moms....she can run 10 miles, she is a great christian leader, she "does it all", she is a great photographer, her house is decorated perfectly....the list goes on and on. and i thought about myself and thought...well...i can cook and clean(maybe i should have been a mom in the 1950's...except for the fact that i can't sew!) but cooking and cleaning doesn't sound so exciting when someone asks you what you "do".
and i'm going to feel really weird not "working" next year when hutt goes to school...so...i need to find something...and find it quick.
see...here is the thing...i'm scared my kids are going to grow up and leave and i won't have any kind of identity AT ALL. and then i'll harass them because i won't have anything else to do..and then they'll move far far away so i'll leave them alone! and that would break my heart.
so...until next year...when hutt climbs on that bus...i am going to try and be the best mommy i can be....and think about the next stage in my life....
but while i'm doing that...it is always good to read articles like this...that make me feel like...right now anyway...i am doing exactly what i am supposed to be doing....
ps. vic...hurry and get that business up and running....i want to be your "tommy"!! ha!