Wednesday, August 21, 2013

best honeymoon story ever

  today is our anniversary. nine years. it has gone by so fast  and we have been through so much's sometimes hard to believe. but i do have a story for you that ISN'T hard to believe...because you can't make up stuff like this. like to hear it? here it goes....

  i got montezuma's revenge...on my honeymoon. sure did y'all. but that's not all of it. let's recap, shall we? 

  the BEGINNING of our honeymoon was great. we decided on one of those all inclusive resorts in riviera maya, mexico that lured us in with the promise of crystal blue waters and endless food and drink. i had packed all of my "cutest" outfits and bikinis and was so looking forward to a relaxing vacation.  

 to make a long story short, i'll just skip to the middle of the week...for THAT is where the real fun begins. after three days of eating mounds of meat and heavy meals, i was craving a salad! not one time did it cross my mind that maybe that wouldn't be so smart. after DO have to wash the lettuce in water. the rest of the day was great. we went on to dinner and then spent the evening at a hilarious "michael jackson" concert. all was well until about 1:00am when i awoke with shooting pains in my stomach. and that is when i started praying to the porcelain god. and that is ALSO when i learned that brian can sleep through anything and everything. and i do mean EVERYTHING. 

after an entire night of sleeping on the cold bathroom floor and emptying my entire body of every substance i had partaken of in the last six months, i crawled on all fours into our bedroom. with as much energy as i could muster, i woke brian and told him i was dying and i needed a sprite. he was confused and he new NOTHING of the lashing i had taken the night before. all i could say to that was...THANK GOD. it may have saved our marriage. but wait. it gets better.

 we had to cancel our snorkeling excursion for that day...for i thought it would be much more fun to lay in bed and watch the spanish...while sipping on a lukewarm sprite. i encouraged brian to go on outside and hang on the beach. just because i couldn't enjoy the honeymoon, didn't mean he shouldn't. 

 since that day was a wash out, we rescheduled our snorkeling for the next day...hoping i would be better. the following morning i decided to go for it. i would say i was about 50%...but compared to the day and night before, i felt like i could run a marathon. 

 we completed our excursion, and were laying on the beach...when i suddenly got EXTREMELY thirsty. (remember...i had NOTHING in my stomach and had forced down one sprite in two days). i asked brian to get me some he started slowly walking back to the drink station. NO! i need water now...get it from the ocean. i was panicked. something was wrong. i felt like i couldn't breathe. he ran and filled up this tiny cup with water and brought it back to me.  i poured it all over myself and still couldn't breathe. and happened. i looked up at brian and suddenly he was charlie brown...talking in super slow motion...but it was in a tunnel. and that was it. the next thing i remember was looking up and being surrounded by palm trees. i was being carried though a jungle and yelled at in spanish. weird dream. then the running stopped and people we throwing water all over me. what the heck? where am i? this is confusing. and THAT my friends is when it started making sense. the darkness turned to light and brian's face was two inches from mine...with eyes as big as saucers. every question the lifeguard/paramedic asked me..brian answered....until they finally told him to stop. that I needed to answer the questions. it was then that i realized i was sprawled out on a lawn chair(that had been used as a stretcher). oh my gosh. my pulse was being taken, people were pouring water down my throat and all over my body, and a crowd had gathered. lovely. just lovely. honeymoon of my dreams. after laying there for a while, i was able to get up and slowly walk to my room...where brian later told me the story....
  right before i passed out, i had looked at him and yelled....BRIAN! my eyes rolled back in my head, and i hit the sand. if any of you know brian, you know he is quiet and does NOT like to call attention to himself. but...picture this. he picked me up, put his arms under my armpits, and started running through the sand screaming...HELP! the lifeguard ran over and they threw me on a lawn chair....several people came over to help...and ran with the chair into the shade(so THAT is where the palm trees came in)! unfortunately...i remember the rest of the story. 
 so between the montezuma's revenge and the beach pass out....ours was definitely a honeymoon to remember. i'd venture to say i deserve a redo. 
happy anniversary brian. thanks for saving my life in mexico. ;)  i love you more today than ever! 



  1. This is funny everytime i hear it!!!

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